conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
