forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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