a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
