shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
