the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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