I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Someone signed my nipple.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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