Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize