bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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