At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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