apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
