There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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