'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
