NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
