too bad you live with your parents still
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
