she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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