I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
