I looked at my own cervix.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
