I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
