my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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