I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
