i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
