Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
