You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize