Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
