im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
