Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Come see our sink grown plant.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
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Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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