Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She needs sedatives and a leash
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
