We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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