She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize