The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
