Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
