help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
