Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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