On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i will never coherently bang her
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
