College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
