Your face is a jimmy john
literally had 100 drinks last night.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
