Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
