i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
