I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
