there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
