The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Mom said you looked used
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
