btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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