Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
