It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
