oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
