I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
