i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
