I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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