dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
