Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
