Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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