Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think my tv is drunk
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
