how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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