Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
