My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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