i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
